A consistent theme for most of my life has been seesawing between, to use my mother's words, 'playing to the gallery' and feeling inadequate and fearful of shining.
Moving into being visible and loving it; then getting scared. Fear has been a familiar companion.
Growing up as the 5th child in a family of six, I often felt like 'the little one'. Combined with a family dynamic that didn't encourage tall poppies, I certainly didn't feel comfortable shining brightly and being too obvious. I learnt that it was safer to hold myself back.
It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I started to wake up to the possibility that those feelings of not being enough, small and fearful was perhaps not who I really was.
Being visible would just happen. I would find myself in a leadership position. When this happened I would feel strong, big and powerful. Then the fear would return and the self doubts would trip me up and I would feel small and fearful again.
For many years now, I have been working with and refining a process of letting go of what no longer serves us, whether that is a relationship, feelings of grief or self beliefs about personal worth, to name a few.
I am super excited about my new offering 'Growing Older, Growing Bolder'. Tailored for those of us in the 55+ age group, it is a bold invitation to truly make these years the best years yet.
The decision to live boldly and authentically takes guts, courage and boldness.
A few of the topics that need to be to be pondered are:
1. what is working in my life now and what isn't?
2. pondering what is really important and create more of that
3. letting go of what I imagine others may think of me and what doesn't make me feel alive
4. grasping life fully with head, heart, hands and belly
5. daring to accept that my days are limited and using that as a springboard to live more fully
These questions are gutsy! And that is just the beginning!
One of my strengths is my commitment to and willingness to 'walk the talk' and continue to do my own inner work, whilst standing alongside women as they do their work.
I fully take responsibility for the inner landscape I have created in myself, in response to my experience of my childhood, my family position and the emotional culture I grew up in.
Taking responsibility allows me to have choices. It empowers me to become conscious of patterns of thinking, feeling and acting within me that may not serve me to be my biggest and best self.
I love what Bruce Lipton says about the power we have to change and be masterful in our lives:
So, my creative juices flow, writing, dreaming and creating ways that I can symbolically let go of patterns within me that have limited me and step, instead, into a place of power and boldness.
I love the creative process. It allows me to tap into all the different aspects of my being - the physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual aspects - and to weave them into a meaningful process where I can embody a inner shift and be witnessed stepping into being a bigger, bolder Jacquie Mary Pearson.
I am blessed to have women in my life who are willing to try out my ideas about living boldly.
We are meeting regularly so that the ideas and processes for 'Growing Older, Growing Bolder' are well honed and useful, before I launch a programme for women over 55 years old' out into the world.
Watch this space!