Towards the end of last year, I decided to commit to making a promotional video with some video creatives here in Auckland. I knew that I needed to step out of my comfort zone and 1) ask for help with marketing and, 2) walk my talk by being bold and become visible.
It was useful to have Christmas as a deadline to pay for the video as that meant I had to act promptly. I chose One Day Video (ODV) because I had a connection with one of the team and I liked the initial conversation I had with them on the phone.
The process started in mid January with a couple of meetings to come up with a script. ODV believe, rightly, that content is king and that it is worth spending time coming up with a tight script. I worked with John and I loved his word-smithing talent.
Filming day was set for a day a week later. I appreciated being kept informed of how things were progressing at their end. I was notified that Petra and Luke would be directing and filming respectively. During that week, I pretty much committed the script to memory.
During the couple of days prior to the shoot, I noticed my fear levels rising: what if they didn't 'get' me?, what if this video didn't work? what if, what if.... The night before, I received some listening and was able to acknowledge that old friend, fear, accept it, and at the same time, not allow it to overwhelm me... a healthy dose of 'feel the fear and do it anyway'
The day of the shoot dawned cloudy but warm. Going for my customary early morning walk settled me into myself.
Petra and Luke arrived and off we went to film at my local beach, then back home for more shooting. All in all, we worked from 8.30 through til around 1.30pm. I was exhausted! I loved their commitment to getting the shots they really wanted and their supportive manner with me.
It was amazing how, in the moment, I felt calm and powerful. Being myself and bringing all of myself into the process reminded me so strongly of my experience putting on my one-woman-show in 2003. Presence is powerful and renders a performance authentic and moving.
Reflecting on the experience, I realised that the process had required surrender and trust. It was important for this day to work that I hand over control of the filming process to these two amazingly creative and patient young creatives, Petra and Luke. I trusted that they knew how to make great videos and that they could see me in a way I couldn't see myself.
The process also required boldness and courage, on my part. It takes courage to surrender, just as it takes courage to allow myself to be visible in my realness and rawness.
The most challenging part of all was watching the draft video for the first time later that evening.
My first thoughts were: "Is that really me? I look different!" and then, "Oh God, I look so old, so wrinkly!"
Well, actually, I am wrinkly
I am getting older ...
I am old to be launching what might be my life's most important contribution...
But you know, hey... what is the big rush? When I look past the wrinkles, I see a woman who has warmth, wisdom, lots of life experience, and yes, knowledge.
I look at this woman and see that she is strong and loving, and that she has a spaciousness.
I see this woman -- I see me
I see that I AM bold,
I AM courageous
I am visible
I am here
and here is the video - bold, courageous and beautiful!