So, I have spent the best part of six months creating the content for Re-imagining Ourselves. A month ago, I was celebrating completing the video making and editing and getting the course out to a small group of beta-testers.
I have been so appreciative of the small group who have tried Re-imagining Ourselves out. Thank you, you know who you are! The feedback has been powerful and poignant.
And I still haven't launched publicly. Some of the delay has been that I have needed help from other people, especially around the e-commerce aspects of having a 'product' that is being made available in several different ways. I confess I don't have the same interest and motivation to become super skilled at the back end of my website and the linking of my site with the checkout pages of the course hosting platform.
And whilst reflecting on the hold ups to launch, I have come to see that some of the delay has been inside of me ...
Part of it is that Re-imagining Ourselves is a deeply personal offering. So I am putting myself out there. I own that I have some reluctance and fear of going public and being seen.
I have done some deep reflecting and surprise, surprise ... following those feelings I arrived back to my childhood and my yearning to be seen by my father, in particular.
I am deeply grateful to my lovely partner Terence who facilitated me through a process of exploring my relationship with my father and imagining him seeing me in the way I wanted to be seen and loved.
In that process I was able to change some of my feelings and limiting beliefs into positive powerful statements:
Rather than 'I am a nuisance and too noisy' ..... 'I am vibrantly alive and my aliveness is loved and appreciated'.
'I don't feel good enough because ...." became 'I am loved and adored just the way I am.'
Rather than 'I am not sure the world is a supportive place.' .... 'I feel my father cheering me on as I move out into the world, which welcomes my contribution'.
The whole process was deeply moving and poignant.
The process was powerful - so much so that the very next day, I made a little promo video and put it on social media. Then a day later I made another promo video and sent it out to 50+ old friends and contacts.
So, what have I learnt about bumps on the road?
I have learnt that I come back stronger and more able to be gentler with myself. I am more loving. I have learnt (again) that when I do my inner work, I usually experience a spurt of amazing creativity. Going through the pain, loss or whatever is so worth it because of what is then given to me or becomes possible that wasn't before.
I am so so grateful for the opportunity to do this work on myself, so that I am more alive and available to be alongside other people as they do their work.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.